Let me start by saying that it's 3:44am.  And I'm not up because I want to be up.  I want to be sleeping so, so badly right now.  But I'm not.  So, I'm posting to Vox.

First off, I have become re-interested in 43 things, which I had to create a new account because my old one was kinda depressing (one of my things was to marry Rocio).  So yeah, it's fun to create new goals now, 8 months later!

Secondly, I had a nice conversation with Matt Innace, an old buddy that I used to work with at Dunkin Donuts.  We started working together five years ago now, in January of 2002.  I miss those days.  It's weird, I love the job I'm at now, and I would never go back to work at Dunkin/Baskin, but I wish I could go back and re-do some of those fun nights and mornings working with the East Islip kids.  They were good kids. :-)  And they're not even kids anyomore, which is even more strange.

Anyway, Matt and I are gonna hit up some Mets games this summer.  So are James and I.  And Andrew, Alex, and I.  And my brother and I. 

Gonna be a good summer :-)

Waking up in five or so hours will not be good, though.

Hehe, oh well.  I guess I'll get offline and try to fall asleep. 

Darn it, yo!

:-)

Work tomorrow, 2-close.

-Anthony

To die for? MLB fans can take team devotion to grave

PHILADELPHIA -- In the heat of passion, many crazed baseball fans have said they would die for a championship. But are they willing to take that devotion to the grave?

With a new venture that will put Major League Baseball team logos on urns and caskets, the league and a company that makes funeral products will find out just how many fans want to be decked out in their team colors and logos for eternity.

Starting next season, fans of the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, Detroit Tigers, Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago Cubs and Los Angeles Dodgers will be able to have their ashes put in an urn or be lowered six feet under in a casket emblazoned with their team colors and insignia.

Major League Baseball has entered into a licensing agreement with Eternal Image, which hopes to eventually make urns and caskets for all 30 teams. The company also hopes to have similar agreements with NASCAR, the NHL and the NFL, but baseball was the first to sign on.

"We have been receiving these requests either directly or through our clubs for several years," said Susan Goodenow, an MLB spokeswoman. "Passionate fans express their love of their team in a number of different ways."

The National Funeral Directors Association is meeting in Philadelphia this week and giving its members a sneak peak of what the urns will look like. Eternal Image says urns for the six teams should be available by Opening Day 2007, and caskets for those teams should be ready later in the year. The products have not been made yet and the exact cost has not been set.

Kurt Soffe, a spokesman for the funeral association, said the MLB caskets are part of a trend of trying to capture "the life and the passions of the person that has passed away." At this year's convention, for instance, there was a Harley Davidson-themed casket and one featuring Betty Boop.

"More and more families are wanting to have something that respects the personalities," Soffe said.

Farmington Hills, Mich.-based Eternal Image, which also makes a line of Vatican-themed products, "wanted to break into a sports venue of some kind," said Clint Mytych, the company's CEO. "It is the all-American sport."

He said he has gotten at least 1,000 inquiries since June.

The Phillies urn was the first of the MLB products to be designed. Each urn will feature recognition of the deceased's passionate support, stamped with a message that says "Major League Baseball officially recognizes [person's name] as a lifelong fan of [team]."

The league, the manufacturer and funeral directors are trying to fill a need with the products. But they acknowledge the sales will have to be done with respect.

David Griffin, funeral director at L.J. Griffin Funeral Home in suburban Detroit, said fans in many blue-collar cities have undying loyalty to their teams, which could make the MLB caskets and urns a hot commodity.

"Looking at it as a consumer, I was thinking this is some pretty interesting, unique stuff," Griffin said.

Nevertheless, funeral homes will have to be very careful so as not to offend their clients, many of whom will surely be scared off by the idea.

"They are a little bit hesitant because of what others might think," Soffe said.

The manufacturer will also have to make sure the products aren't too expensive. People who opt for cremation, for example, often do so partly because it is cheaper.

"I guess it's going to be interesting to see how it's accepted," Griffin said.

Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press

Thursday, October 12, 2006 (officially, anyway)
Current Music: Dave Matthews Band - Crush (from BTCS, not live)
Current Mood:  I have a heavy heart tonight

     Hi.  I don't know how much I'm going ot be able to write about this, but I'll try.  A plane crashed into a 50 story highrise in Manhattan.  A small plane.  And when I saw the news, I knew it wasn't terrorism, so I didn't really follow the story.  Then I clicked over to espn.com to see if the Mets were going to be rained out (they were, by the way) and there it was:  Breaking News: Cory Lidle Dead in Plane Crash.  Cory Lidle was a Yankee pitcher this season.  He started his major league career with the Mets, though, in 1997.  I remember him.  I remember him being called up to the majors!  And he was flying, with a flight instructor, and died when he hit an apartment building.  They say it may have been a mechanical error.  The thing is, it hit me really hard.  I don't know why.  It is just so shocking.  You feel like you know these guys.  I know that I have no connection to baseball players personally, but I still feel like I knew him.  Then I read that his wife and child were flyig form New York to Los Angeles when this happened, so they didn't even know when it happend.  When the whole world knew, they didn't.  That is so terrible.  It just has brought me down.  I dunno, I'll be okay.  I just wanted to type it out. 

  As for the Mets, I think they'll be okay.  Everyone is saying that this rainout shifts momentum because Carpenter can pitch game 2 instead of 3, and Glavine will have to come back on short rest in game 5.  The way I see it is this:  All season they've dealt with stuff happening, this is just another setback, and they tend to take care of them pretty well.  It'll be a good series :-)  Game 1 of the NLCS, Thursday night, 7:19 CST.  I'll be ready for it!

   How about some music to take our minds off of this tough stuff:

(Now playing: Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet)
  
    I enjoyed this album a lot when I was in 8th grade.  That's when I got it.  I know, most people would say that Alanis is chick music, but since when do I go by those rules?  The point is, it's good music.  This song, especially, is a nice song for anyone who is in love, especially just falling in love. 

   That's one thing that I am looking forward to, ya know?  When you first start a relationship, when you meet someone who you can't stop thinking about, someone who makes you smile just by thinking about them.  That feeling, at least I know that I'll be feeling that again, at some point.  Until then, well, hey, at least I have something to look forward to :-)

(Now playing: Sublime - What I Got)

  I'm not a pothead.  I have never even smoked.  I do love me some Sublime, though.  I love this song.  Good lyrics, good stuff. "Take a small example, take a tip from me.  Take all your money, give it up to charity . . . I don't cry when my dog runs away, I don't get angry at the bills I've gotta pay . . . I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot, hits the bottle, goes back to the rock"

  Hahah.  Oh Sublime.

(Now playing:Johnny Cash and Joe Strummer - Redemption Song)

   I have three versions of Redemption Song on my computer.  I have the Bob Marley version (amazing), Dave Matthews covering it (the first version I've ever heard), and this version.  Now, understand, this song, I believe, is about black people trying to free themselves from the slavery that they still feel that they are in in society.  And yet, I have Dave, who is South African, but I mean, not really black, and Johnny Cash and Joe Strummer . .. two old white guys, singing the song.  I like all the versions, too.  That's what's funny about it. 

   Good song, though.  Remember that. 

(Now playing: Dave Matthews (solo) - Trouble)

    Ya know, when this album first came out, I couldn't listen to it.  By this album, I mean Dave's solo album, Some Devil.  The songs just depressed me.  It has a very certain feel to it.  Kinda minor chord type music.  Feels like autumn, that kinda music.  I dunno.  I still find it hard to listen to it, ya know?  I think it came out in September, 2003.  That is three years ago, amazingly.  I actually popped this out and listened to it on my way to the first time I really hung out with my Target friends, Chris Brady's going away party at Chili's.  Yeah, I was driving around beforehand, I was going to drive Chrissy there, and I had this playing.  And I was just driving by myself at night, listening to this, and thinking about how I'd be moving soon, and just soaking in that feeling. 

  This has nothing to do with the song, really.  But it's close enough :-)

(Now playing: Dion - Abraham, Martin, and John)

   Ya know, I remember the first time I heard this song.  It was in eight grade, in my religion class.  We were talking about great leaders (I guess Jesus was included), and my teacher asked us about this song.  Played it for us and everything. I was the only person who know who the four people were, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luthor King Jr, John and Bobby Kennedy.  I loved this song since then. 
 
   I remember whenever I'd try to play it on the iPod in the car with Rocio, she'd make me shut it. 

Heh. 

Oh man.

(now playing: The Fray - How To Save a Life)

  Well, the Fray is one of those bands that I don't know why I listen to them.  They depress me badly.  This song, I mean, ugh.  Even if there were no lyrics, if it was all gibberish, it would still sound depressing  But then you actually listen to the lyrics, and . . .gah.  Plus, I think they used this at the end of an episode of Scrubs.  And that always gets me down. 

  Have I lost a friend?

Eh, I'm done.

Okay, let me just say that I grew up watching this video on my dad's 86 Mets tape.  This is a music video that the 86 team made midway through their magical season, and everytime I watch it,it gets me pumped.  Let's not forget that this was the last year that they won the World Series.  Anyway, watch, enjoy, and laugh a little, especially at Joe Piscopo.  :-)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 (officially, although I still feel like it's Tuesday because I haven't slept yet)
Current Music: Dave Matthews Band - Two Step (album version)
Current Mood:  kinda tired

   Soooooooooo, here it is, late Tuesday.  It's not too late, less than an hour after midnight on Wednesday, so I'm stil considering it pretty much Tuesday.  I know, doesn't really matter to many, but I like to make sure that my Vox book keeping is solid. 

  So, here I am, posting as I lay in bed, relaxed and feeling good.  Had a test tonight, did pretty well, I think.  Have a few classes tomorrow, but I got my homework done for them already, so I feel good about that, too.  Tomorrow night is Game 1 of the National League Championship Series (NLCS), Mets vs. Cardinals.  Should be a very interesting series. I have faith in the Mets, but I also am not going as far as to say they'll win or lose.  Anything can happen in this series.  We'll see.  At least it'll be good baseball. 

   I feel good.  I don't know if that matters, but I do feel good right now.  My shoulder is itchy, but I don't think there's any real reason for that.  As far as I know, things in my life are going okay.  I am on a downswing of my emotional biorhythm, according to Google, but I don't feel that.  I feel very strong at this point, and I feel like I am doing great emotionally.  So I'll just enjoy myself, and I hope that things go okay this week and weekend.  I think they well.

  I guess I really don't have much to post about today.  I am kinda boring, since nothing has happened today.  Just counseling, which went very well, and a test. 

  Well, how about some music, since Two Step just ended:

(Now playing: Buddy Holly - It Don't Matter Anymore)

   This song is uploaded to my Vox, and I posted about it once.  It is so sad that this song is pretty much how I am going to feel about Rocio.  It's just about how I did everything I could, I'm done trying, I cried and wasted my tears over the breakup, and that's it.  I'll find someone new, and she won't be so important to me anymore.  And it's not a malicious song or anything.  It's not mean.  It's just pretty much saying, I'm done being sad, and I'm moving on.  So yeah.  I like Buddy Holly, so this song works well for me. :-)

(Now playing: Barenaked Ladies - Brian Wilson)

   I liked this song before I really got into the Beach Boys, so I didn't really understand the references (sandbox in the living room, Dr. Landy, Smiley Smile, Fun Fun Fun).  But I do like the song for other reasons.  It is catchy, and it reminds me of such a simpler time.  I mean, doens't everything?!  But really, it's a great song.  Reminds me of Adam Gold, actually.  I don't think that Adam even liked BNL, and I'm really not sure why this song reminds me of him.  Adam Gold was a friend of mine from 11th and 12th grades.  Very good guy, big dmb fan, too :-)  Hmm.  I need to figure out why this song reminds me of him.  Maybe that'll come to me eventually.

(now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Song That Jane Likes)

   This song will always remind me of July 4, 2001.  On that day I went into the city with my whole family.  We had dinner at Carmines and we got stuck in traffic since we were diverted on the way home because of the Macy's Fireworks.  Anyway, I remember looking out the window at the city, listening to this song, and feeling 100% content.  I love this song.  The lyrics are pretty much nonsense, but the happiness of the song cannot be any better to me.  I remember Rocio knew I loved this song, too, and she'd sing it to me.  This was back around December, 2002.  She was hoping they'd play it at the concert I went to on 12.21.02, but they didn't.  Still, she was so awesome at the beginning of our relationship.  I could just tell that she loved me so much. 

 I have no regrets, by the way.

My favorite line from this song:
 And we'll be back round again
Yes I'll walk in time with you old friend
And we'll find that place
That we had danced in so long ago . . .

(now playing: Shakira - Underneath Your Clothes)

  Okay, now this song reminds me of the Summer of 2002.  I would be standing at Dunkin Donuts after we closed, cleaning up, and this song would come on the radio, and I just would feel so, so, so alone.  I dunno.  I wanted someone to love me so badly.  I wanted someone to feel something for me. 

  Rocio came soon after :-)

  It's strange to have that feeling again, ya know?  I never thought that I'd feel unloved again. I never thought I'd have to worry about being alone, and dying alone.  I know, I'm young.  I understand that.  I'm just saying, I wasn't expecting this at all. 

Okay, sorry Shakira.  Next:

(Now playing: Dave Matthews (solo) - Stay or Leave

   Okay.  Wow.  This song takes on a whole new meaning after a break up.  I had better post the lyrics first:

Maybe different but remember
Winters warm where you and i
Kissing whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
And when the summer comes
In the river
Swims at midnight
Shiver cold
Touch the bottom
You and I
With muddy toes

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us
It was good good love
You used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
But the way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon hey
Isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that i should

That I coulda done

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left me
What day is this
Besides the day you went

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon hey
Well isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be you and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you went babe
What day is this

    -----------------------------

  I mean, look at the parts I bolded, in particular.  We used to laugh, not so often now.  I mean, that's exactly what started happening.  Rocio just was not into it anymore.  I did everything that I could.  I tried so hard to make her happy.  She just didn't feel it anymore, ya know?  And the chorus, "I want you not to go, but you should".  It's like, I know that it's the right thing, but it still was the hardest thing to deal with, ya know?  And then the line about "What to do with the rest of the day's afternoon" . .. I mean, it's more like, what should I do with the rest of my life?  I had everything set.  I had found love, I had found my future.  It just didn't happen in the long run.  So it's sorta back to the start. 

 Did I do all that I could?

-Anthony

It's not super-late right now.  It's about 1:04am.  I just finished watching my second episode ever of The Office, a show which I just started getting into, and I am glad that I did.  It's a good show.

  Umm, so I don't mean to always be so down when I post.  I try posting when I'm happy too.  Those moments are few and far between, unfortunately.  I am trying to be happy, it's not like I'm sitting here and wallowing in my sadness.  I am not trying to be sad  I want that to be known.  My biggest problem is that I am sad.  And I am depressed.   And there are times when I feel it really badly.  This isn't one of those times.  I am melancholy at the moment.  I'm not super-down or anything.  I just am feeling blue, I suppose.  Nothing new, though.  i get lonely sometimes (as is evident from my crazy post on Tuesday afternoon).  I got really sad today thinking about the fact that the people that I thought were my best friends in the whole enitre world, that I had been friends with for just about ten years now, have really abandoned me.  They know what happened with Rocio and I, they know I am down and depressed and need them, and they do not even try.  No calls, no e-mails, not even an IM.  Nothing to say "hey, I'm here for you."  That is one of the hardest things in the world for me to deal with.  And that's on top of everything else.  It is not good. 

  But I'm not going to get upset.  Not this late at night.  I'm just going to go to sleep. 

   Mets can clinch the division tomorrow.  That would most definitely cheer me up.

-Anthony

Today was a good day.  The past few days have been pretty good, actually.  Not only good days to be a Met fan, although it has been a good season for us perennially let down fans.  But the past few days have been good for me.  And I'm surprised about that. 

  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm still scared to DEATH about moving into the dorms.  The fact that leaving makes it feel completely and totally over, which I know it is, still makes me so so sad. 

  I know that it's over, it has been for over a month now.  And every time I start to accept it and start moving on, something pulls me back.  A memory, a thought, anything.  I think that's why I've been listening to so much 90s music.  I met Rocio in 2002.  None of these songs are really connected to us.  Of course, it opens a second can of worms, making me think of my very, very lonely high school days.  But lonely is good, lonely is what I am, what I have been before, and what I will be for a long time to come, no doubt. 

  But what am I saying?  I'm talking about how good things have been going lately.  Rocio and I fight, of course.  But not very much recently.  And she's been so helpful with getting me ready to move.  And I really am looking forward to the weekends, knowing that we get to spend time together.  And maybe, just maybe, Rocio will look forward to seeing me.  She hasn't looked forward to seeing me in a long time. 

  I'm not saying that in any way other than friends.  I know that Rocio and I aren't going to become anything more than friends.  She has made it clear that I'm like a brother to her, and I understand that completely.  I just want to stay friends.  I want to still enjoy what we had.  We have always gotten along great, making each other laugh, having a great time together, everything like that.  So I really think that it'll get back to that eventually. 

  Back to this dorm thing.  I have to call them tomorrow to find out what's going on.  I handed my deposit and application in a week ago.  They haven't mailed me any info or anything.  I get nervous because my school makes a lot of mistakes (including LOSING MY APPLICATION) and I really want to make sure I get a single room, like I asked for.  I do NOT want a roomate. I just want to be alone for a while.  I think that makes sense to me.  So tomorrow I'll find it all out, hopefully.  I've started buying stuff at Target, my employer and a great place to shop :-)  I got a jersey sheet set for my Extra-Long Twin bed at the dorm.  I got a desk lamp for FIVE BUCKS!  After I get paid this weekend, I'll be able to finish up the shopping for the stuff I need. It's only for 4 months, so I'm not going crazy, ya know?

Oooooh, Good Riddance by Green Day came on.  Now that song has a LOT of memories with it.  I guess that one I can sorta put with Rocio.  Interesting. 

  Tonight went well for us.  She watched some stuff on TV, I sat in the living room too, watching the Mets on my laptop, talking to her and Andrew on AIM.  Andrew has been there for me through everything, and I'm really thankful to have him there every night.  He's been so helpful.  Rocio then napped and I watched my backlog of Still Standing and Boy Meets World episodes on the DVR, so I get through them before I leave.  Then she woke up, used the computer while I used mine, we talked and just had a quiet night.  Juan went out tonight, which he hasn't done in a while.  He's probably glad he did, or else he'd hear me all excited about the Mets beating his Cardinals.  :-)

  Anyway, not much more to write.  I'm gonna take some medicine and go to sleep.  My sleep schedule has been so messed up lately, staying up WAY too late, then waking up late as well.  So this way I can try to get it ready.  Then again, I'll be in a dorm soon.  Who knows how messed up my schedule will be then :-)

More soon, I promise. 

-Anthony